her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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