Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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