I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
