Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
