just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
