The best revenge is premature balding
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
