come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
