chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
