i need an iv and a liver transplant
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
