There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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