how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
