guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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