If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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