you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
