i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
