I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
