Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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