hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
