do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just gift wrapped bread.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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