my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
