I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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