It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
