I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
