I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize