So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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