haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
