I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
