While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
