I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
