Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
