I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
