I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
