everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
