When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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