When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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