Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
