I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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