So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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