I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
