I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize