The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
