oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
