He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize