i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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