yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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