their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
