Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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