I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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