my vag is so smooth its legendary
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
