porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
