The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
