If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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