Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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