Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How does one acquire holy water?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize