i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
