If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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