THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
