You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
