I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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