I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish you could order shots online.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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