Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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