its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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