you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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