I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize