Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Boobs speak an international language.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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