I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
