Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
