it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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