A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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