The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
