watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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