turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Four minutes until I can fart!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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