i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize