he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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