Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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