im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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