Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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