so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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