Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
