no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize