there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
