it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
