He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
