the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
