If that was your dad, he is hot
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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