there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
