It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
