no. you can't hotbox the world.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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