Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
