we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
