he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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