oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
