Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
