well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
