I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
