You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
