dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
