week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
