I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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