there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
a search helicopter?!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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