i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
