you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
