Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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