First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
