Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
