No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
