Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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