Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You left your phone here
Wait...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
