he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
