I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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