All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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