If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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