4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
