we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
