The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You're like the curious george of whores
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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