well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
