I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
