he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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