So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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