i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
