I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
