So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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