Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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