spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
