eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
