Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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