if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
