It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
