im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
