nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize