I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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