my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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