white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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