you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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