i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
