just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
